Zapisnik terapije

The patient, Miss Print, is unusually calm, even when entering through the door. I offer her a sheet of paper so she can write down her information. It doesn’t look good – no grammatical errors, she even writes her name as “Miss Prim”. The patient works in a family printing house with a long tradition, which has been under scrutiny for many years due to their exceptional quality and extremely low error quotient. The High Command did not approve, and has therefore replaced the previous agent with Miss Print, whose reputation was at that time impeccable. Some of her previous achievements:

Replaced the fold in a series of government-sponsored leaflets promoting a healthy diet, changing the word DIET into DIE (only noticed after sending; received the Exceptional Service Cross).
In a famous Slovenian author’s book, switched the first and last chapter, and replaced the middle with a phonebook. The author nevertheless received the Prešeren Fund Award, and the book was chosen as mandatory reading material for secondary schools. The High Command has still not decided whether this mission was successful or not.
Included an advertisement for the Fresh Cut butcher shop in the Vegan Life magazine, resulting in a readership decline for the magazine and the most successful year for the butcher.
Switched the inks for the book of Andy Warhol’s print reproductions, so that his pictures become regular photographs. This move was very popular with the older generation. Marge, 72, stated: “It’s so nice, without any stains and blots and not so much purple.”

Miss Print evades all my questions, claiming that she’s performing her mission dutifully and professionally, as always. As proof, she brought a book published by the printing house for its 30th anniversary, insisting that she’ll show me a mistake in the book. But once she started flipping the pages, she became lost in reverie, admiring the print, her eyes brimming with tears. Determined, I ask her if she knew who she was.

A print works’ gremlin , she replied, if somewhat quiet and unsure. Her eyes kept returning to the book. I’m uncomfortable, because the book in question took up half of my office. I get up from the thimble to try and regain at least some authority, but I’m not sure I will succeed. Miss Print pays no attention. There’s nothing left of the gremlin who would urinate into ink containers and shave her legs with the box cutters, so that people would then open their precious little gifts and find a nest of gremlin hairs (the only thing about gremlins that is truly long and thick) – and do all that before breakfast! Miss Print has ... changed. She keeps blabbering about colours, printing techniques, bookbinding, and above all, people. About people!!! As if ... as if they became her...

Friends, she says.

Yes. I could say that.

Even though they’ve never seen me.

OK... show me, I say.

Show? she asks suspiciously.

So I can better help you, I lie.

In truth, I am interested. I had never been in the field. Always stuck in this office, helping printworks’ gremlins with their identity crises. And they tell me everything they see and feel ... the smell of fresh colour and paper when new stock arrives ... warm, completely fresh print, crisp under the fingers and soft to the eyes ... the quiet nights when the machines are sleep and they own the entire printing house, swinging from the gears, quickly printing a love letter for their lovers (“The more mistakes one makes, the more the bed shakes,” that’s our proverb). And with each story, I was more and more interested...

Why do we do it?

With dreamy eyes, Miss Print stared at me.

So let’s go and look at this printing house of yours, I said.

SUMMARY OF THE ANNUAL REPORT

As the greatest success, I consider the changed comma in the recipe for the new beer of our largest brewery, which caused complete chaos at the opening ceremony and resulted in the dismissal of the President of the Republic and three members of the board of directors.
As the greatest failure, the Committee considers the family printing house with the thirty-year tradition, where we ceased all operations because we lost two of our members: the decorated veteran Miss Print and her therapist, who decided to stay in the printing house as undercover helpers, forever. Rumour has it that people, as well as gremlins, are somehow “drawn in” by the printing house – with its attitude, quality, and a certain weird, undefined thing that is supposedly called “warm-heartedness” – we are still studying this matter.
The minute taker here adds that he has violated the order to stay away and has visited his friends, staying at the printworks for a few days.
The minute taker here also adds that he sometimes doesn’t understand the reason for our work, as there is nothing more beautiful than a fresh print, precisely as it was intended, without errors and with added warm-heartedness.
The minute taker will not explain to the Committee what warm-heartedness is, since the Committee will never understand it; the minute taker further suggests that the Committee members wrap their hair around their neck if they have a problem.
At this point, the minute taker tenders his resignation and requests to move to the printing house with the thirty-year tradition.
The minute taker also warns that he intends to do that anyway, and that he intentionally failed to include a single error in the minutes.

This is the life.

Miss Print – sorry, Miss Prim and I raise our glasses, mine with cyan and hers with magenta. Above us, there is a pleasant ruckus, the 30th anniversary party in the offices is in full swing, while we’re leaning against a wall and enjoying ourselves, savouring the moment.

You think anyone will tell our story? I ask.

Probably not, she says. And anyway... who would write it?

I have a few minutes from the therapy... and that gremlin who quit brought me some minutes from the meeting.

Miss Prim looked at me. Her eyes light up, gremlin-like.

Give me the papers, she says.

What are you going to do with them? I ask, handing them over.

Miss Prim neatly arranges them, smirks, and looks at me.

This book of theirs for their 30th anniversary is awesome, she says.

But it’s missing something.

What?

Us. If we print our adventure, it will endure. The memory will give rise to a story. It will have a home, between the covers, on the shelves, in the hands, and then again in the memory. Through the generations, through the eyes of countless people. They’ll never forget us. And that’s why we’re here. That’s why we like it here. A printing house is where an idea is given home.

And to have an occasional drink, of course. Here’s to you!